Comedie Colonm: Double Trouble

Twice the jokes, twice the authors, twice the fun?

In other ~current~ news, a light emitting tattoo-like device was recently revealed and demonstrated by a team of British and Italian researchers, shocking audiences. The device sits atop the skin like a transfer tattoo. “It has a lot of potential, but to be honest, it kind of Hertz,” said one not very ex-static recipient. Those interested are currently able to get it installed free of charge at the Ohm Depot in the outlet mall.

In honor of 420 day, Drake has launched a new cannabis company, officially owning 60% of the canadian company More Life Growth. This asset acquisition is estimated to be over a blazing $150 million, according to Forbes. 90% of Republicans confirmed that this isn’t God’s Plan. Roll Now, Roll Later bby

The Australian government recently scrapped two sex education videos using legen-dairy milkshakes to inform teens about consent and sexual assault. Public outcry against the videos described them as udderly bizarre, concerning and an over-churned effort. I for one have never found smearing milkshake on myself more sexy in my entire life.

In recent news, NASA has selected SpaceX in a $2.9 billion contract as its partner in launching a mega-spaceship to land humans back onto the moon. SpaceX is beta testing mini-versions of this mega-spaceship in Boca Chica, Texas, and has managed to explode each of its previous four spaceships before leaving the launchpad. Talk about a top-down effect: Elon Musk is a blast to watch and so are his spaceships!!!

In Cocoa Beach, Florida, a World War Two-era aircraft was participating in an airshow and was forced to make an emergency landing in the ocean, which seems about par for the course in Florida. Belonging to the Navy, the aircraft — a TBM Avenger — landed amidst a pod of surfers. Captain America, is that you? Did that reference go over your head? Aw, don’t have such a bad altitude about it.

In a recent announcement, Facebook revealed it will be creating its own version of Clubhouse, an upcoming social media platform solely revolved around audio and chat rooms (no videos or pictures). In the statement, Facebook explained it will be creating separate live audio rooms. To be honest, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Imagine how many facebook moms are going to argue … There’s going to be so many conversations unknowingly recorded live lol. Make sure you listen to the comment section without earbuds — the distorted rath of Boomers has yet to be heard.

Demi Lovato recently apologized to a froyo shop after slamming them in a cream of passion for promoting sugar-free and other diet-conscious desserts. She initially claimed the shop’s promotion — and yogurt — was uncultured. At this point, her credibility and her hits aren’t exactly the cream of the crop??????? 🙂

Colorado District Judge Natalie Chase was ‘chased’ right out of her office after using racial slurs in court. Chase — who handles divorce, post-divorce enforcement and modification and child support cases — informed multiple court employees that she believes “all lives matter” several times during the 2020 year. I know one thing: if Chase is on the case, she’ll bring up race out of place.

Engineers at Purdue have recently created the whitest paint to ever exist, after considering 100 white materials and testing them in formulas of ten. By reflecting light, the paint is able to cool buildings as well as an air conditioner and is composed of highly concentrated Barium and Sulfate. So you can lick the walls and go blind. And give the cleaning crew a heart attack. How about we purdon’t?