Comedy Column

In Winter Haven, Florida, a Peppa Pig theme-park is set to open in 2022 at the Legoland Florida Resort. The theme-park is designed to include themed playscapes, water play-areas, live shows and the infamous ‘Muddy Puddles,’ becoming the first ‘little ones’ all-inclusive-day-adventure. The resort went through several names before deciding on Peppa Pig — in an unreleased report, names such as Jurassic Pork, Swine Lake, Twisted Tails and May-ham were all seriously considered.

In a new development, Amazon has allowed customers to pay for items with just a wave of their hand. Called ‘Amazon One,’ the program connects your hand print to a stored credit card, which you then wave over a sensor to at check-out free ‘Amazon Go’ stores. Let’s just say I can see this going very wrong (i.e. paying for something accidentally five times over, paying for your friend’s items after you wave hello, going bankrupt for being friendly, going to a concert and putting your hands up in the air only to find you’ve paid someone your entire life savings, etc.). The takeaway — it pays to be friendly.

In Phoenix Arizona, a Purple Heart was left at a local Goodwill. Teresa Ferrin, an employee of Goodwill, decided to track down the family and return the medal. Ferrin discovered that the Purple Heart belonged to a Korean War veteran named Erik Karl Blauberg, who passed away in 1988 and was able to reunite the award with two of his eight children. In other news, my own heart has also gone missing — Ferrin if you’re out there, I need you.

With the upcoming Hurricane season near, the Atlantic and East Pacific Basins have recently released a list of hurricane names for the 2021 year. These hurricane names specifically include characters from the movie ‘Frozen’: Ana, Elsa and Olaf (in that order). Guess the National Hurricane Center really ‘Let it go’ this round.

In North Carolina, a man won a $500,000 Powerball prize after entering the numbers he found on his fortune cookie. In other news, my Dad just found his fortune cookie to be blank. Apparently, he has no future.

Hillary Clinton and Canadian mystery novelist Louise Penny have joined forces to write a political thriller called ‘State of Terror.’ The book is set to be published October 12, 2021 by Simon & Schuster and St. Martin’s Press. While the novel is centered around Clinton’s experiences as the former Secretary of State, I believe it’s accurate to say we’ve all been in a state of terror, too.