Comedy Column

Jeremy Scott, the creative director of Moschino, decided to create this Fall 2020 season’s fashion show to be made entirely out of puppets. A new ‘hands-on’ approach in a COVID-19 era, puppets allowed Scott to conduct a smaller scaled version of the show— no strings attached (that is, to anyone not puppeteering). Audience members surrounding the runway were even created, emulating fashion’s top leaders like Anna Wintor (Editor-in-Chief of Vogue) or Edward Enninful (Editor-in-Chief of British Vogue). While Scott had to ‘pull a few strings’ to accomplish everything, a ‘show of hands’ expressed that the staff was ‘too high strung’ to pull this off again. Read that last line again 🙂

Under New York City’s Grand Central terminal, several MTA workers were suspended without pay from the discovery of a ‘man cave’ entrenched in one of the building’s storage rooms. The ‘man cave’ consisted of using MTA’s resources to build and maintain a mini fridge, a futon, beds, a TV, a microwave and an internet-ready streaming device. I have a message to the MTA investigation team: leave the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles alone!!

In the Chilean Dessert, after an 80-year disappearance, the ‘Ghost’ frog has been rediscovered. Originally believed to be extinct, the Ghost frog is strictly aquatic, where if it’s located out of the water for more than five minutes, it will die. As it is currently competing with Chile’s expanding cities, tourism and infrastructure builds for water, the Ghost frog can be heard chirping in the distance ‘R.I.P.-it’.

NASA has just outlined a $28 billion programme known as Artemis, a plan to land the first woman on the moon by 2024. Artemis, which consists of launching a man and a woman into space, will be the second time humans have set foot on the lunar surface since 1972. While the House of Representatives recently approved $600 million to be sent to NASA for their 2021 timeline, NASA administrator Jim Brinstine is urging a $3.6 billion budget to be approved so plans can confidently move forward. Legend has it, after receiving the $600 million, Brimstone pleaded to the house, “Seriously? What’s this saturn stop of funds? Lunar, rather than later is ideal. Otherwise our plan[-et] will be d’asteriod!!”

In Lake Jackson, Texas, it’s been recently discovered that the city’s public drinking water contained a brain-eating amoeba, known as Naegleria fowleri. While Lake Jackson contained 27,000 residents, eight communities surrounding Lake Jackson were advised last Friday to not use the water, except to flush toilets. Symptoms include fever, nausea and vomiting, with death greeting victims within the week. Before making a statement to advise residents on what to do, the CDC could be heard muttering: Wait, Texans still have brains?