Calling for stricter smoking laws

I got off the Loop, paid my strictly–enforced two–dollar cover and entered the bar. I was looking forward to a fun night. I strolled over to the bar and ordered a great Meadville–priced two–dollar bottle and began socializing with some classmates.

Within 20 minutes, I realized that I would not be able to wear my new, cozy winter jacket again until the next time I did laundry.

There are only 17 major cities in America that allow smoking in bars. Smoking is still allowed in some bars in Pennsylvania, but we are halfway to achieving great legislation which one day will reach all 50 states. Unfortunately, smoking in bars is still permitted in Meadville. To some, this may be a blessing. And if this is true for you, enjoy it while it lasts, because I don’t think it will be legal for much longer.

Let me put forth a scenario to everyone. Imagine someone walked around the bar all night passing gas. At first the smell would be kind of a nuisance, but then after a while it would just plain stink. Now, imagine two other people walk over and break wind.

Now there are three, making the smell overwhelming. But once you walk away it’s safe to go back and dance and escape the smell for a few refreshing minutes. You exit the toxic–filled area and you think you are safe.

Later on, you’ve left the bar, and following a late night slice at Reginella’s you head home. As you walk into your dorm, your roommate exclaims, “Oh man, what is that smell!” The fart has followed you home. Your clothes smell like it, your room smells like it and now even you smell like it.

Hope you had a fun night.

Replace “passing gas” and “breaking wind” with “smoking a cigarette” and you’ve just heard all about my Saturday night.

Smoking and passing gas both make the producer feel great, and they’re both legal. But do you know why I don’t walk around producing a scent that sticks to people’s clothes for days? Because it’s inconsiderate.

One day, I’ll explain to my grandchildren, to their dismay, that people used to actually smoke in bars.

Until then, I’ll wear my crappy coat on the weekends.