Comedy Column

Last Thursday, while searching for sea glass, a 47-year-old man discovered, washed up along a Wisconsin beach, a brain wrapped in tinfoil. The brain— a little larger than the size of someone’s hand, does not belong to a human, but also cannot be identified as to which animal it belongs to. So, let me get this straight: from a sea of knowledge, a brain-wash(ed up) to make the authorities a bit… nerve-ous? Sorry guys, the joke practically wrote itself.


The Emmys just finished its award ceremony this past weekend, with Schitt’s Creek winning seven awards— breaking the record for most won awards in a single season of a comedy series. The other nominees could be heard off-air uttering, “Well, Schitt”. 


During a virtual Zoom class at Houston University, a lecture was interrupted by a student who entered the meeting proclaiming bomb threats against the school and his association to ISIS. When authorities tracked down the student, Ibraheem Ahmed Al Bayati claimed he was joking until the federal authorities found ISIS material on one of his phones. A new term has emerged: ‘Zoombooming’, in which bomb threats are made during a zoom meeting (be wary: oftentimes login credentials are compromised). Al Bayati if you’re listening— your joke really bombed. It almost wiped everyone out. 


Despite President Trump’s initial declaration to ban Tik Tok amid Chinese spyware suspicions, a new deal has been made with Trump’s blessing (hours before the Commerce Department was preparing to take action to remove the app). In this new deal, Oracle will partner with Tik Tok’s parent company, ByteDance, to continue its U.S. presence, temporarily lifting the ban. A huge relief to Sway house and all those Gen Z-ers cashing out on the app, Tik Tok is no longer ‘tick-tocking’ out of time.


The head of the Russian space corporation Roscomos, Dmitry Rogozin, has recently claimed Venus as a Russian planet. According to the European Space Agency, Russia’s research between the late 1960’s until 1987 has stood as the foundation for pioneering research on the planet. So, traveling to a land that has extreme temperatures, hazy overcast, and a heavy atmosphere … indeed, Venus does sound like an extension of Russia’s terrain. Those astronauts will feel right at home.