Just the Tips: Brush up on your bedside manner

Jesikah Leeper, Guest Columnist

What makes a good hookup? That depends on the people involved and their personal preferences, but there are some sure-fire ways to make your first, and probably last, impression on someone at least respectable. Here are some do’s and don’ts of one night stands!

Consent: Not only is this moral and legal thing to do, it’s good manners and pretty darn sexy as well. Don’t assume your partner is on board for everything you had planned for the night. Chances are you just met them, so how do you expect to know what they really want?

Cleaning: Make sure your room is presentable. It doesn’t have to be spotless or smell like Clorox, but throw your dirty clothes in a hamper and take out your trash. It’s okay if this is the closest you ever get to cleaning, you don’t have to tell your mother that the only time your room looks presentable is when you’re looking for some booty.

Condom: Have one on you or know where you can get one ASAP. In this day and age there are no excuses for not having a condom when you take someone back to your place. It doesn’t matter if you never thought in a million years you’d be taking some sexy human back to your place for a fun filled night, have one just in case. You could get lucky, I sure hope you do.

Vomiting: Hopefully if you’re puking you realize you’re probably too drunk to be hooking up with someone but it happens. Sometimes it was just the wrong Brooks meal with some cheap Vlad that isn’t sitting right. If you have to vomit, excuse yourself and do it in the bathroom. Then rinse your mouth, preferably with mouthwash if you can find it. Bare minimum with a lot of water. No one wants to make out with someone who just threw up; it’s not healthy and it’s just gross.

Kinks: We’ve all got them and should celebrate them but with your one time hookup is not the time nor place. Unless previously established, keep the hookups pretty vanilla. Everyone has their quirks and that can be fun! If you want to be known as the person who tickles feet during sex that’s fine, no harm no foul, but keep the whips and chains locked away until the next time.

Leaving: Get out by 9 a.m. No one likes to kick someone out and no one likes to be kicked out. 9 a.m. is a happy medium between early morning and before the swarm of students emerge from their rooms for Brooks brunch. If you really want to see them again after that, leave your phone number on a sticky note if they don’t already have it or text them once you’ve gone. Also, take a mental note of everything you arrived with and take it with you but no more. Their clothes are not your personal trophies.

Satisfaction: Try and do your best to make sure all parties involved leave relatively happy about the night’s (or day’s) events. If something goes wrong, say a case of whiskey-dick, don’t make them feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. If one person just can’t get off, don’t put all the stress on that. Sex can be enjoyed without an orgasm. That being said, if you got off, make sure to do your best to get them off. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Most importantly though, have fun. Spending the night with someone, no matter how bad in bed they may be, can still be fun if you’re having a good time with the person.

Now, go out there and try your new hookup etiquette on the next consenting individual you can find!