Aunt Agatha, may she rest in peace

By ANITA KNAPP
Advice Columnist

My dear Aunt Agatha, rest her soul, was a woman of few words and, in her old age, many flowered muumuus. Agatha, before she died, instilled in me a deep respect for many things: vodka, patience, Rod Stewart, the correct use of the term “ergo” (e.g. this is the ladies’ room, ergo you, sir, must leave) and, above all, common sense. She was never stingy with her advice, bestowing on me honest words of wisdom such as “Anita, dear, there’s a time and a place for everything. Please put pants on.”

And of course, I took everything she taught me to heart.

For instance, there’s a time to wear a muumuu, and that time is never. And there’s a place for stupid people and that place is called Congress. And so on and so forth.

So if you’re looking for advice on all things (say, your degenerate roommate gave you fleas—or perhaps you’d like to give him fleas) then look no further, dear friends!

The logical (though towards the end, somewhat demented) spirit of Agatha dwells within me (not really, but you’re smart people, you get the point) and, thus, my common sense is now at your service.

Also, I do not have fleas.

But I do have an abundance of vodka and access to email.

So write in for advice today!

Contact [email protected] with your questions!