Goodbyes have never been easy for me. As I reflect on my past four years at Allegheny College, I can’t help but feel a strange mix of nostalgia, gratitude and disbelief at how much has changed since I first stepped foot on campus as an eighteen-year-old with dreams of becoming a music teacher.
As a freshman, my path seemed certain. I was set on a music major and an education minor. In October of my sophomore year, that plan was abruptly derailed when the college discontinued the music major, just two weeks before the declaration deadline.
It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I was lost and overwhelmed, unsure of what to do next. Even with my many interests and passions, I wasn’t sure what would be the best fit for me.
In that moment, I realized that college and life are rarely linear. After countless conversations with my advisor, friends and family, I decided to major in business with a focus in marketing.
The decision was made in urgency, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I found a department that welcomed me and faculty who believed in me.
At the same time, I decided to minor in writing, a passion I’ve been interested in since childhood. What started as a love for poetry soon evolved into something deeper, as I developed my nonfiction, fiction and journalistic writing.
Still looking for a connection to music, I began to sing in the College Choir my sophomore year. This decision brought me both balance and joy to my academic and personal life, giving me belonging and a meaningful community.
I won’t pretend it was easy to play catch-up in a major and minor I started two years behind. I pushed myself, may have been a bit overzealous and managed to complete my writing minor by the end of junior year.
In the fall of senior year, looking to fill in elective credits, I decided on taking Journalism 100 with Professor Mike Crowley. That semester, I had also decided to take my first non-fiction workshop.
I was doubtful at first, I didn’t know how hard it would be to write about things with neutrality in one course while also pouring myself into deeply personal nonfiction essays in another. Two different writing perspectives can tend to clash in a writer’s head; I was worried I would do poorly at both.
And that’s when things took a turn — in the best way. With help from Crowley and Professor Matthew Ferrence, I found that not only could I manage both, I could thrive in both, and I discovered a love for journalism that I never knew I had.
In high school, I was never interested in journalism and tended to keep my writing to myself. Now, I was writing for an audience, contributing to something bigger than myself, and it was liberating.
Being on The Campus staff, even if only for a semester, has changed the way that I see myself as a writer, a student and a participant in my community. I learned how to ask questions that matter, about subjects I may not have been interested in otherwise, and how to shape stories to resonate with others.
Overall, these four years have helped me to remember that it’s okay when plans fall apart. Sometimes, the best parts of life are the ones unplanned: the classes we take by chance, the communities we stumble into and the passions we grow into unexpectedly.
I’m walking away from Allegheny with a degree, but also with a better sense of purpose and who I want to be in the future. So yes, goodbyes are still hard, but they are a little easier knowing that you are leaving having found something you didn’t even know you were looking for.
