Gig Harbor, Washington, spent $457,600 to replace over 700 LED streetlight bulbs around the city, according to the Seattle Times.
These replacements were installed in 2017 and already have begun to malfunction.
“It’s quite upsetting,” said Gig Harbor Mayor Tracie Markley. “I guess it’s true, nobody, not even light bulbs, want to work anymore.”

CNN reported on Jan. 30 that the European Union is currently working towards a solution for the high influx of the invasive Chinese mitten crabs – listed as one of the world’s 100 worst invasive alien species.
One of the leading plans is for McCormick & Company to begin shipping vast amounts of Old Bay to E.U. member states in a bid to entice the consumption of the crabs.

A group of 11 Democratic senators and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) have called for the Biden administration on Jan. 30 to completely deschedule marijuana, according to The Hill.
“I don’t see why it was ever scheduled,” Sanders said. “I’m far too busy to be dealing with that.”

Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson told ABC News on Jan. 30 that he has yet to see the bipartisan border deal from the Senate, but that it is a “nonstarter in the House.”
“I haven’t seen any of the specifics yet,” Johnson said. “It’s a lot easier to complain about the deal if I just imagine it’s terrible, instead of actually reading it. I wouldn’t want to read it and accidentally agree with it. It’s bipartisan for goodness sake!”

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reported on Jan. 31 that relief pitcher Aroldis Chapman signed a one-year contract worth $10.5 million with the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Chapman is best known for holding the record for the fastest recorded pitch speed in MLB history, at 105.1 mph.
Fans of the team are sure to be excited about getting the chance to watch Chapman throw with such a high velocity.
Fans of other teams are likely equally as excited to watch Chapman throw five balls for every strike pitched.

Trumpeter swans are congregating in Almonte, Ontario. The birds, once nearly extinct, have rebounded in numbers all across Ontario reported the CBC.
Almonte locals have expressed their joy upon seeing the swans return to the area.
“It was so quiet before they returned,” a local resident said. “Now the air is filled with the sounds of Dizzy Gillespie and Louis Armstrong.”

Gonorrhea cases are down, chlamydia has remained relatively unchanged and syphilis has spiked upwards across the country, according to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report.
Syphilis fans were elated to hear the disease climb the ranks of sexually transmitted infections.

The Arizona Coyotes have applied to buy state land in north Phoenix in order to build a new larger arena, according to The Arizona Republic.
The team currently plays at Arizona State University’s Mullet Arena, which can seat 5,000. Most NHL teams can seat between 15,000 and 20,000 fans depending on the arena.
Hopefully the team can find at least 10,000 fans willing to pay to see them win just over a third of their games each season.

The Punxsutawney Spirit reported that Punxsutawney Phil detected no shadow as he stepped out onto Gobbler’s Knob on the morning of Feb. 2.
His prediction of an early spring seems to be on the money as temperatures for the weekend are poised to be in the 40s and 50s.
Gov. Josh Shapiro was in attendance at the event, for the second year in a row. He announced that Phil will receive a new title: Official State Meteorologist of Pennsylvania.
This comes after Shapiro’s first act as governor, which was eliminating college degree requirements for 65,000 state jobs. I didn’t realize meteorology was one of those jobs.

I know Phil didn’t go to college, but I don’t think he even went to high school.
Lewis Hamilton has said he will be fulfilling a childhood dream when he joins Ferrari in 2025 reported The Guardian on Feb 3.
Hamilton will also be fulfilling an adulthood dream of being paid a rumored 100 million euros (around $108 million).

Disclaimer: All quotes are fictious. Any lack of joy as a result of this article is unintentional and we claim no responsibility.