The Erie Times-News reported on Nov. 14 that local labor and food pantry leaders are pushing for “stable” funding to assist with local food aid.
“People keep coming up to us, saying, ‘I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,’” said a food pantry volunteer. “We figured if we got a stable and a couple of horses, we could feed a whole lot of people.”
The Justice Department is suing over California’s redistricting plan, which state voters overwhelmingly approved last week in an effort to redraw their congressional map in Democrats’ favor, according to MSNBC News on Nov. 13.
“It’s moments like this that make me think of Finesse2Tymes,” said California Gov. Gavin Newsom. “‘“It’s cool when they do it, it’s a problem when I do it.’”
A Shillington man is now hospitalized after his dog allegedly fired a shotgun at him, injuring him in the back, according to ABC News on Nov. 13
The shooting appears to be accidental, but police said they are still investigating the incident.
“We have to investigate the dog,” said one of the police officers on the case. “We saw some dollar store kibble at the residence, so there’s definitely a potential motive.”
Reuters reported on Nov. 14 that President Donald Trump’s administration will formally withdraw a plan by his predecessor to require airlines to pay passengers cash compensation when U.S. flight disruptions are caused by carriers.
“There’s no reason to pay people for delays,” Trump said. “Just book a private jet instead.”
A man took a Hamilton, Ontario, city bus on a joy ride last week, making several stops along the way, allowing passengers to enter and exit, according to CBC News on Nov. 12.
“There was not a ding on the bus. He did a great job,” said police spokesperson Trevor McKenna.
The driver may have broken the law, but he wasn’t about to let anyone else.
“He even went as far as to deny someone looking to board with an expired bus pass,” police said in the news release.
These are real quotes. No, this is not a joke.
A chimpanzee escaped its enclosure and was on the loose at the Indianapolis Zoo on Friday morning, but the animal was later located and returned to her exhibit, according to CBS News on Nov. 14.
“I heard about the monkeys in Mississippi and Meadville that got free and figured it was worth a shot,” the chimpanzee said. “Have you ever been to Indianapolis? I’m not too thrilled about living here.”
The Times reported on Nov. 13 that David Ames, who conned British investors in a property scheme worth over $400 million, has claimed in court that he is penniless.
“This isn’t America or Australia,” said one of the prosecutors. “We still have pence in the U.K.”
Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious unless otherwise noted. The Campus is not responsible for lack of laughter as a result of this column.
