“I miss home.”
That thought has run through my mind probably a thousand times since coming to college. My family are my best friends, and being away from them this semester has been extremely difficult. I don’t think I’m alone in that, especially amongst first-years. It’s normal. On the other hand, I’ve made friends at school that really like being away from home, and I think it’s great and normal too. I’ve been doing my best to balance both normals. It’s been difficult.
I only live an hour away from campus, so I’ve been home and seen my family a few times throughout the semester. The idea of returning home was a relief because it meant I would get to see the people that know and love me. It was simple: home was home. So imagine my surprise, when on the short drive back to campus after Thanksgiving break, it finally dawned on me that since coming to school, home does not feel the same at all.
In college, at least, there is a general assumption that in most cases, if we’re changing, it means we’re doing something right. College, in its nature, welcomes change and therefore, I welcome change. At least, I thought I did.
It turns out change doesn’t just stay where it’s welcome. Once it’s there, it follows us everywhere. It follows us home. Sometimes, it’s even waiting for us at home. That’s terrifying.
As I reflect on time spent at home and look ahead to winter break, I am doing my best to accept the changes that have occurred in me and those I love during my time away. While painting change as an ever-lurking villain come to suck all comfort from our lives as young people is both fun and dramatic, it’s not the most effective in coming up with healthy ways to process and prepare for a return home. Much more effective, in my opinion, are lists.
In an attempt to break this enormously complex process down into simple steps of action, I have come up with a four-step checklist for first-year college students returning home in a few weeks.

Step One: Give in to nostalgia
One could do this by revisiting the media that shaped our childhoods; Disney, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, our moms’ movies from the ’80s, the list goes on.
I am a Disney girl all the way, which has really helped me build a bridge between childhood and adulthood that I can cross at any time. Growing up is hard, and a two-hour visit with the little girl I once was makes it a lot easier.
Returning home sometimes reminds me how old I’ve gotten, how I’ll never actually be a kid again. This can get dark quickly, so putting on “Tangled” or “Aladdin” has helped me keep in touch with the kid that I’ll never really be, but will always love.
I think college has a way of making us feel like we’ve left a lot behind, but we really haven’t if we don’t want to. Disney movies, or nostalgic media in general, help us carry those memories and feelings with us.

Step Two: Acknowledge childhood, and be a good person.
Aside from watching movies that remind us of childhood, it’s important to keep in mind that we will always be our parents’ children and return home as children in their house. That, like everything about family relationships, can be good or bad depending on the situation. It could mean reimplemented chores, rules, curfews and expectations. It could also mean hugs, home cooked meals,and free laundry. For me, it’s a combination of both, good and bad.
I think the way through this is to acknowledge our childhood, our role as children in our parents’ houses. We should acknowledge the good parts and the bad parts, and if it helps, remove the titles of “child” and “parent” in our minds. Instead, think person to person. Then, be a good person.
If our college sleep schedules don’t align with our family’s, we should be good people and temporarily adjust them. If laundry needs to be done, if trash needs to be taken out, if siblings need to be driven to school, if dishes need to be washed, if the people that we love need help, we should be good people and help them.

Step Three: Acknowledge adulthood and remember: It’s okay that we changed.
Don’t get me wrong, we are adults, legally, at least. With adulthood comes creating, acknowledging, and respecting boundaries.
For instance, if aspects of our personalities and lives such as gender identity, sexual orientation, religious identity, communication styles, needs, or desires have changed since being away at school, it could impact our relationships with our families. Establishing boundaries can help navigate what could possibly be new conversations with our loved ones. Keep in mind, change is okay.

Step Four: Fall in love (again).
While at college, memories of times spent with loved ones would keep me going through particularly challenging bouts of homesickness. So, it was especially difficult to return home throughout the semester and realize that the home that I was missing wasn’t the same one to which I was returning. Of course, the house was the same, and the smell was the same, but routines, lifestyles, and habits had all changed, and quickly. Two months isn’t actually that long of a time.
A somewhat dramatic and admittedly self-centered realization that particularly stung was that my loved ones’ lives had gone on without me. My little sister was a junior in high school without me.
My parents were going through their days without hearing a lengthy life update from me every evening. I have to laugh at myself for this a bit, but honestly, I was perplexed. My family was still busy, their lives were still changing, and I wasn’t there for it.
Still, I love my parents, the real people with real lives outside of me. I love my sister, the 16-year-old who got her learner’s permit, and knows more about makeup than I do. I love my boyfriend, who is studying something completely different from me, making friends that I don’t know, and figuring out who he is on his own. I love my friends, who I’m seeing more of in pictures than in person, but I know are probably doing something awesome. I love all the same people, but they are not the same people. Woah.
Honestly, it’s sad to think that I probably wouldn’t have realized all of these things had I not left. It makes me feel very tunnel-visioned. But it’s also great, because now my mind is more open, and I get to think of the reasons, new and old, why I love the ones I love all over again.
And so, after processing our feelings of fear and sadness at the realization that home, family, and life will not always look the same as we remember, we can feel anxiously happy instead. We can fall in love with life all over again, even in the wake of enormous change. And honestly, no matter what we’re celebrating over winter break, I think that’s a pretty fabulous gift.