The Arizona Republic reported that the Roman Catholic Diocese of Phoenix had set up shop outside three World Series games, offering prayer to anyone who passed by. A nice thought, but they should have saved some of their prayers for the Diamondbacks, who lost the series four games to one.
A story from the Kansas City Star states that 163,000 people moved to Missouri last year and 94,000 to Kansas. The top contributor to Missouri’s population surge was Kansas. The top contributor for Kansas was Missouri. Have we considered that these people just keep missing their exit on the highway?
Two unidentified men are suspects in a coin show theft that occurred Sunday, Nov. 12, at the Lew Davies Community Center during the Meadville Coin Club Show, according to the Meadville Tribune.
“They had a lot of stains on their clothes,” said one of the show attendees. “Hopefully they use those coins at the laundromat.”
West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin has declined to run for reelection in 2024, according to Politico.
“The bribery — I mean, lobbying amounts I was receiving weren’t enough to support my current lifestyle,” said Manchin. “Inflation has been pretty rough. A million dollars only goes so far.”
Spotlight PA reports that Pennsylvania is now the leader in Lyme disease cases in the country. Environmental experts believe forest loss is a leading cause of the uptick in cases.
“I’m ticked off,” said an anonymous environmental expert. “If we take away the forests, it shouldn’t be surprising that the ticks stick around the new developments that replaced them.”
Pennsylvania has been the leader in Lyme disease for over a decade now.
“I thought it was dear tick,” said a Pennsylvania resident familiar with Lyme disease and ticks. “Had I realized it was a deer tick, I would not have treated them so lovingly.”
Venture capitalist Peter Thiel has promised to not give any money to any politician, including Donald Trump, in the next presidential campaign. Thiel told The Atlantic that financially backing Trump was a “bad bet.” His bet cost him $1.25 million in 2016. If that’s what he puts down on a bad bet, I would love to be his bookie.
Over $600,000 worth of champagne was recovered by police in France on Saturday, Nov. 11, The Guardian reported.
Police were involved in a high-speed chase in northern France when thieves hijacked two trucks full of Moët & Chandon champagne bottles. All the champagne was recovered after the gang fled the scene. The police are currently looking for DNA evidence.
“There were bite marks on a lot of the corks,” said an officer on scene who chose not to be identified. “I guess they forgot to bring a corkscrew.”
The New Republic reports that Jacob Chansley has filed paperwork to run for Congress in Arizona. He is better known as the “QAnon Shaman” and one of the most prominent faces of the Jan. 6 insurrection.
“If he manages to win, at least he will already know his way around,” said an anonymous U.S. House aide.
The Meadville Tribune reported that negotiations between Vernon Township and the police union representing the township’s police officers are headed to arbitration after failed attempts to agree on a severance package. The township and police union will each select a person to represent them on the panel, with a third person being selected by both parties to act as a chair.
“I don’t see why we can’t budget in some chairs for this arbitration,” said an anonymous township employee. “Do we really need to make one person act as a chair for two people to sit on?”
Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious and made with comedy in mind. We take no responsibility for lack of laughter as a result of this article.
