By JANELLE CARLSON

Contributing Writer

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The weekend is here, your midterms are over, you’re getting a little too sweaty at some cramped house party, getting down and dirty is in your inevitable future. There are only a few things that can get in your way… the most likely being a combination of five of my favorite men: Jim, Jack, Johnnie Red, Johnnie Black, and Jose (if you caught the Coyote Ugly reference, high five).

The well-known Shakespeare play, Macbeth has this to say about drinking, “(It) provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance…it makes him stand to, and not stand to” (2.3.12). Basically, what the good old porter is talking about is “whiskey dick”. Urban Dictionary gives us a few more synonyms, such as: limp dick, drunk dick, and softy.

Whatever you’d like to call it, encountering this can be disgruntling for both parties involved. However, the main thing to focus on in this situation is that it’s not anyone’s fault! If you’re going to place the blame on anything, take a leaf out of Jamie Foxx’s book and blame it on the “a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.”

You see, our good buddy alcohol is a depressant. It works in our central nervous system to slow down just about everything, including your sexual arousal. The problem with this though, is that many people (especially college aged) attribute alcohol as a social/sexual lubricant. Not literally, please do not use alcohol as lube. Ouch.

One to two drinks cause inhibitions to falter and dilates blood vessels in the body. This includes the penis; so when a guy’s had a couple drinks at the start of his night, his arousal factor is as high as it’s gonna get. The more drinks you have, the more your blood vessels dilate, and consequently this lessens the chance of an attentive soldier when you head to the bedroom.

Have no fear! ReproCo is here! As mentioned earlier, the best option you have is just not to sweat it! No one needs to feel emasculated, uncomfortable, unattractive, or ashamed in this situation. Things happen, and sex should not be a situation where anxieties arise.

Your second best option is to probably just enjoy some late night cuddles and wait for morning wood to set in. Jackpot.

This could also be an opportunity to explore other sexual avenues besides penetration. If oral isn’t an option either, then the partner not under alcohol’s firm (or not so firm) spell may be in for a treat. Have fun together, laugh about it, you’re probably both drunk anyway, sex is not a performance!

In all seriousness, whenever alcohol is involved, always make sure both parties are consenting, and able to do so, before doing anything.