Politico reported on Feb. 14 that Democratic Rep. Haley Stevens eyes open Michigan senate seat.
“I was just staring off into the distance when I made eye contact with the seat,” Stevens said. “It started folding and unfolding and flipping all around until it opened itself up.”
West Mead township has approved a waste transfer, according to The Meadville Tribune on Feb. 13.
“We’re sad to see waste go but it was time and we’re being compensated handsomely for the departure,” said a West Mead township official. “The transfer fee has yet to be revealed but West Mead management are saying the price made the deal more than worthwhile.”
Sen. Tina Smith, D-Minn., will not run in 2026, according to USA Today on Feb. 13.
“I’m 66 and about to turn 67. I’ll be nearly 70 by 2026,” Smith said. “I’ve had some great years, but running is simply out of the question at my age. I’ll stick to walking.”
CBS News reported on Feb. 10 that Donald Trump has directed the Treasury Department to stop minting new pennies.
“I don’t understand why we were doing it in the first place,” Trump said. “The Treasury Department isn’t Andes Chocolate Mints, so why we were minting things in the first place I’ll never understand.”
Reuters reported on Feb. 13 that a Humpback whale swallowed and then spat out a kayaker off the Chilean coast.
“I’m so glad we nicknamed him Jonah,” said the father of the kayaker. “God knows what would’ve happened had we not.”
In an audit released last Thursday, Allegheny County Controller Corey O’Connor raised concerns that public defenders’ heavy caseloads may make it difficult to provide effective representation, according to The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review on Feb. 14.
Public defenders are overworked? Who could have ever guessed that would be so?
The San Francisco Chronicle reported on Feb. 14 that a 25-year-old Australian woman was arraigned on drug trafficking charges in San Mateo County after she was allegedly found with 44 pounds of methamphetamine hidden in her checked luggage at San Francisco International Airport.
The woman allegedly told authorities she flew into Los Angeles, where she met a stranger and picked up a locked suitcase before continuing her journey to SFO.
“This is why you guys need high-speed rail in this country,” the woman said. “If I could’ve just simply taken a train from Los Angeles to San Francisco I never would have been caught.”
Conneaut Lake has shot down plans for a Dollar General store, according to The Meadville Tribune on Feb. 15.
“It was an accident, plain and simple,” said a borough official. “A few of us officials were out skeet shooting and someone replaced one of the clay pigeons with the plans for this new Dollar General.”
The Independent Record reported on Feb. 14 that sampling last year found that “an overwhelming majority of trout from rivers in the upper Missouri River Basin are healthy” (real quote.)
That’s according to a news release last Wednesday from Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks about field work conducted in 2024 by both FWP and Montana State University.
“That’s great to hear,” said one of the trout. “There’s a real lack of healthcare for us so the fact that so many of us are healthy is very reassuring.”
Birders have taken to the outdoors for the annual counting event, according to The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette on Feb. 14.
“It’s been tough this year, I have to say,” said one of the birders. “I keep seeing what might be a bird, a plane or Superman.”
Pennsylvania plans to close the Waynesburg inmate reentry center, according to The Observer-Reporter on Feb. 15.
If we help the incarcerated return to society they might not return to prison and who would want that? Better to save a few bucks and gain some more prisoners right?
Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious unless otherwise noted. Any lack of joy as a result of this article is unintentional and we claim no responsibility.
