The Meadville Tribune reported on Jan. 20 that the Meadville Area Recreation Complex will offer free swim lessons for up to 200 youngsters from around Crawford County.
Whoever this MARC person is, they are going to have their hands full.
CNN reported on Jan. 22 that the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, Jamie Dimon, said in regards to tariffs planned by the new presidential administration, “Get over it.”
Glad to hear a man worth over $2 billion is telling us not to worry about the price of goods going up.
Elon Musk has voiced doubts about President Donald Trump’s newly announced project called Stargate, according to The Hill on Jan. 22
Stargate fans haven’t had any good news since the last television series was cancelled in 2011 and it seems that trend is continuing.
Politico reported on Jan. 22 that President Donald Trump will meet with Republican key to tax negotiations.
Who is this key and what exactly will they unlock?
Punxsutawney Phil and his partner Phyllis, welcome two new kits (baby groundhogs), a female named Sunny and a male named Shadow, according to the Erie Times-News on Jan. 22.
“I may have to have a sit down with Phil,” said Shadow the Hedgehog. “We can’t have two hogs named Shadow running around.”
ABC News reported on Jan. 22 that Steven Bannon wants more aggressive lawyers to represent him when he next stands trial on charges he defrauded donors to an online campaign to fund a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border, pushing for a more aggressive defense.
“I am hoping my new lawyers will implement a zone defense,” Bannon said. “Or potentially a full-court press if things start getting really nasty in the courtroom.”
Elon Musk did what has been called a “single arm gesture” while speaking at an indoor Presidential Inauguration parade event in Washington on Monday, Jan. 20.
This single arm gesture is strikingly similar to a Nazi salute. Remember, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck.
A Des Moines Police dog helped locate more than 50 pounds of marijuana at the Des Moines International Airport, according to The Des Moines Register on Jan. 24.
“We knew there was something wrong when the luggage was over the TSA recommended 50 lbs,” said a Des Moines police officer. “Had the bag been 49 lbs we probably would not have even checked it.”
The Richmond Times-Dispatch reported on Jan. 25 that a $2 million plan has been unveiled to repair the Texas Beach Bridge.
“I’m all for fixing up bridges,” said a Richmond resident, “but why are Richmond officials fixing a bridge in Texas?”
JCPenney is trying to reinvent itself again, according to The Dallas Morning News on Jan. 18.
“We’ve got a few ideas that might help turn the business around,” said a JCPenney spokesperson. “We think calling ourselves JCNickel, JCDime or even JCQuarter might entice people to shop with us more frequently.”
The Omaha World-Herald reported on Jan. 25 that thousands of cranes have decided to skip the migration south and stay in central Nebraska for the winter.
“It’s been terrific for business,” said an Omaha construction company owner. “Typically you’re hard-pressed to find any cranes for construction in the winter.”
The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reported on Jan. 28 that after a 195-year wait, Yuengling beer is on tap at Illinois bars and restaurants.
“It’s a shame it took this long,” said a Chicago area bar owner. “I can only hope to get some sort of discount for waiting this long for my order to come in.
A restaurant at the San Francisco Zoo has been approved to reopen just one day after it was ordered to close by a city health inspector who discovered a rodent infestation and other health violations, according to The San Francisco Chronicle.
“This was all a big misunderstanding by the city health inspector,” said a zoo official. “He didn’t realize that the restaurant was French and the rats were actually assisting the kitchen staff.”
DISCLAIMER: All quotes are fictitious unless noted otherwise.
