CNN reported on Jan. 10 that Astronomers have for decades tried to figure out how Pluto captured its largest moon. Now, there’s a new theory.
“We’re pretty certain Pluto used a big net,” said a NASA official, “like they use in seine fishing.”
Luxury condos are rising in West Hartford Center according to The Hartford Courant on Jan. 14.
“It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever seen,” said a Hartford resident. “I was walking my dog when the earth opened up in front of me and this huge condo shot out of the crack toward the sky.”
A purported rat colony in a downtown Houston police property room ate some mushrooms intended as evidence against two defendants, according to The Houston Chronicle on Jan. 13.
“We didn’t know it was evidence or we wouldn’t have eaten any of it,” said one of the members of the rat colony. “We only learned how to read and speak English after eating the mushrooms, not before.”
The Pioneer Press reported on Jan. 14 that the Midway McDonald’s in St. Paul has been McDemolished.
“There was a serious lack of McDemand for McDonald’s in the area,” said Courtney Henry, the operator of the location. “It McDidn’t make any sense to keep the restaurant open when it didn’t make a McDime.”
Steve Bannon has called Elon Musk a “truly evil person,” according to The New York Times on Jan. 13.
A broken clock is right twice a day.
Donald Trump said on Jan. 14 that he wanted to create an “External Revenue Service” that would collect tariffs and other revenue from foreign countries, according to The Hill.
This is a pretty radical idea coming from someone who has alluded to cutting the budget of the Internal Revenue Service in order to save money and limit bureaucracy.
The Record-Argus reported on Jan. 11 that Greenville is looking to remove two stretches of brick streets from the town sometime later this year.
“We’re going to get rid of these roads brick by brick,” said a community leader. “We hope to get them out in a timely manner and replace them with new yellow bricks.”
A woman’s social media post about marijuana making its way into her child’s order from a Hamilton, Ohio Burger King restaurant is going viral.
Several buds of marijuana were found in the order of chicken fries.
“That was my mistake,” said the fired employee who put the marijuana in the bag. “I didn’t expect to get fired though, most people pay for that and they got it for free.”
CNN reported on Jan. 16 that soccer fans in Brazil were left astounded as Volta Redonda upset Fluminense to clinch a 1-0 victory in the Taça Guanabara following a bicycle kick goal — set up by a bicycle kick assist.
I would like to dub this style of goal, the tandem bicycle kick goal.
The Meadville Lions Club will host Dr. David Almeida from Erie Retina Research on Jan. 27 in a bid to offer vision care to the community, according to The Meadville Tribune.
“We hope to improve the vision of all lions in the community,” said a leader of the club. “That way we can get as many zebras as possible.”
The Boulder Daily Camera reported on Jan. 15 that a new quantum facility opened in the city.
“It took a big leap to get this facility open,” said a Boulder city official. “But I bet if you jump to the future it will show its worth.”
Nintendo has announced a Switch 2, due to release later this year.
This begs the question, what are they switching to?
The Alamo is offering two free travel opportunities to Texas teachers according to the San Antonio Express-News on Jan. 15.
“We had to do something to get people’s attention,” said a leader of The Alamo Trust. “People were starting to forget us.”
Florida Governor Ron Desantis has picked a replacement to fill Marco Rubio’s Senate seat, according to ABC News on Jan. 16.
“I don’t understand how or why he picked me,” said Paul Westerberg. “I mean, I live in Minnesota for goodness sake.”
Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious unless otherwise noted. Any lack of joy as a result of this article is unintentional and we claim no responsibility.
