Business Insider reported on Oct. 20 that Donald Trump traveled to Feasterville-Trevose, Pennsylvania, and briefly worked at a McDonald’s branch, cooking fries and serving drive-through customers.

“This is fun work, I can’t imagine why anyone would complain about working hard at McDonald’s,” Trump said. “Sure I’m not working a whole shift or getting yelled at for taking too long with a customer’s order, but who cares?”

Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) and former Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.) engaged in a tense text exchange last week, Axios reported on Oct. 20.

“You up?” Johnson wrote. “What are you doing?”

Cheney did not take kindly to the messages.

“Mike, how did you get my new number?” Cheney wrote. “It’s three in the morning. Stop texting me.”

King Charles III met Hephner the alpaca en route to the Australian War Memorial in Canberra, according to The Guardian on Oct. 20.

Hephner spat on the king and said “Down with the monarchy!”

Axios reported on Oct. 22 that Americans are split on the idea of putting immigrants in militarized “camps.”

“I think rounding everybody up is a great idea,” said a historian in support of the plan. “Throwing people in camps has always been a good thing.”

Former MSNBC host Chris Matthews declared he’s “never seen a more heroic figure” than Liz Cheney and urged Democrats to “repay” the Republicans if they win the presidential election, according to Mediaite on Oct. 22 (real quotes).

If potential favors are being handed out for speaking against the rise of the far-right in this country I would like to apply for a favor of my own. I’ve been a critic of the far-right since before this election cycle.

Donald Trump appeared on  Joe Rogan’s podcast on Oct. 25.

“I think the American people deserved to hear me interview Trump,” Rogan said. “People need to know his opinions on the UFC, moose meat and aliens potentially building the pyramids in Egypt.”

The Guardian reported on Oct. 22 that German police raided a pizzeria in Düsseldorf.

Pizza No. 40 was long one of the best-selling dishes at the restaurant until police discovered the secret ingredient: a side of cocaine.

“It was pretty easy to catch on,” said one of the officers. “Most pizzas were about 10-15 Euros. This specific pizza cost about 90 Euros.”

NBC News reported on Oct. 22 that the ‘Penguin Bandit’ who robbed multiple Colorado banks has been sentenced to 13 years in prison.

Authorities dubbed Samuel Richard Ruthstrom the “Penguin Bandit” for his heavy build and a distinctive “waddle.” (real quotes)

He had robbed four banks earlier this year and attempted to rob a fifth, when he was apprehended by authorities who noted that he “had sacks of money on his back and was sliding on his stomach away from the scene of the crime.”

USA Today posed the question on Oct. 23 “Is it safe to eat at McDonald’s?” after an E. coli outbreak occurred.

Probably not, but has it ever been safe to eat there?

The Times reported on Oct. 23 that Tim Burton said it would be horrible working on a Marvel project today.

“I couldn’t imagine doing anything for Marvel today,” Burton said. “I’ve got dinner plans, plus it takes a lot longer than a day to make a movie or TV show.”

The Hill reported on Oct. 24 that Donald Trump won’t rule out pardoning Hunter Biden if elected.

“I will definitely consider it,” Trump said. “I’ll pardon myself first of course.”

Axios asked why the GOP is challenging overseas and military voting on Oct. 24.

“It’s simple really,” said a GOP election official. “We’re pro-voter suppression.”

Politico spotted some blunt advice for Kamala Harris in Philadelphia on Oct. 24.

Spotted across the street from the hotel where Kamala Harris stayed in Philadelphia last Wednesday: a sign with a bit of advice.

“White Owl White Grape or Game Honey.”

UPMC Horizon is focused on reducing patient wait times at its hospitals, according to The Meadville Tribune on Oct. 25.

“Shortened wait times are on the horizon at Horizon,” said a hospital administrator. “I can almost see it.”

Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious unless otherwise noted. Any lack of joy as a result of this article is unintentional and we claim no responsibility.