Nikki Haley was chasing independents in a bid to win the New Hampshire primary on Jan. 23, reports the New York Times.
“She was chasing us for so long,” said a New Hampshire independent voter. “We could barely get away!”
Sports Illustrated reported that the West Virginia Mountaineers upset the 25th-ranked Texas Longhorns in men’s basketball on Jan. 13.
“It was easy to see how they upset Texas,” said an attendee of the game. “West Virginia’s team was far from cordial, and by the end of the game, the whole stadium could tell the Longhorns were distraught.”
Vivek Ramaswamy has suspended his 2024 Republican presidential campaign after an abysmal showing during the Iowa caucus held on Jan. 15.
Upon the suspension of the campaign, Ramaswamy endorsed Donald Trump.
So begins the groveling for potential cabinet positions.
The Pennsylvania Capital-Star reported on Jan. 12 that President Joe Biden plans to cancel the loans of certain federal student loan borrowers. To qualify, you must have taken out under $12,000 and have been repaying the loans for 10 years.
Biden also announced a new plan he hopes to implement for borrowers in the $12,000-$20,000 range.
Those borrowers must simply jump through multiple hoops that are on fire, complete a standing double back flip, get a recommendation from their local state senator and promise to work for a minimum of 15 years in their state or the federal government.
The U.S. District Court in Boston has blocked JetBlue Airways’ attempted purchase of Spirit Airlines, according to Politico.
Judge William Young blocked the aviation acquisition, releasing a 113-page long opinion on Jan. 16.
“Don’t these companies know that every economic powerhouse in the world has two great airlines?” said Young after the proceedings. “We also need two terrible airlines in order for the youth of today to spend spring break in Miami without breaking the bank.”
The Hill reported on Jan. 17 that bank trade groups had slammed the Biden administration’s latest proposal to limit overdraft fees.
The American Bankers Association argued that the proposal would make it “significantly harder” for banks to offer overdraft protection to customers.
The ABA makes a good point. How can they protect the people from overdraft fees if they never happen? There’s nothing like paying the people who harm you to protect you from them.
Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones has announced that Mike McCarthy will be returning as head coach next season, as reported by ESPN on Jan. 17.
This decision was followed by an outpouring of support by fans of every single team in the NFL not named the Cowboys.
The New York Times reported on Jan. 18 that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be facing criminal tax charges. This comes after a customs search in the Munich airport revealed that Schwarzenegger failed to declare a luxury watch while traveling from Los Angeles to Austria.
“The customs agents are always watching,” said Schwarzenegger. “They got me this time, but I’ll be back.”
Hunter Biden has agreed to sit for a deposition in the U.S. House of Representatives on Feb. 28, according to the Washington Post.
This came after weeks of back and forth between House Republicans and Biden over whether he should sit or stand during the proceedings.
A man in Algona, Iowa, was found passed out in his car and suffering from hypothermia on Jan. 16.
The Des Moines Register reported last week that Michael Riggert, 43, had been locked out of his vehicle by his dog in the middle of a large snowdrift. Eventually the man broke a window to get inside, but his car ran out of gas, leaving him exposed to the elements for numerous hours.
The dog is in good condition and is back home with its family. Riggert is also expected to make a full recovery.
Remember this story next time you say that dogs are a man’s best friend.
Disclaimer: All quotes are fictitious. What, you think anybody would actively say any of these things?
