By KILEY FISHER
We live in an age of unprecedented material opportunity, where we can import whatever we want from all corners of the globe.
While some bemoan the perils of our rampant consumerism, I’d like to draw attention to a terribly underrated commodity that few remember is still available: mail-order spouses.
Now, before you draw conclusions about my web browsing activities, I’d like to point out that advertisements for sizzlin’ babes on web cam and foreign brides are everywhere on the web.
Even Facebook advertises Singles Meeting Singles over pictures of suspiciously busty blondes. How does the Internet find all of these “Local Girls From Meadville?”
The idea of mail-order brides may seem bizarre, but I’m pretty sure it is a popular service.
For example, when my 50-something-year-old token-cranky-guy neighbor suddenly materialized a gorgeous little Chinese wife and said that “[they] met online, now get your damn dog out of my yard,” I took it as proof that people actually buy foreign spouses.
Also, a June 11, 2010 New York Times article sheds light on the popularity of online immigrant wives and husbands.
If one were to search for mail-order people online, the women seem unreal. You could find a gorgeous, young, open-minded girl going to law school in Lithuania.
How much does a mail-order bride cost? Whatitcosts.com estimates $1,000 to $15,000, but according to Answers.com, “The answer is like answering how much it costs to buy a car. It depends a lot on what you are willing to spend.”
There are also people called “professional marriage brokers” that are hired for things like communication. Also, go-between sites for mail-order brides offer a range of services from “purchasing a woman’s address” to “purchasing a full catalogue of women.”
Now, maybe this seems unethical, but what is even more unethical is what happens when you search for mail order husbands.
“I’m available to any girl named Julie,” writes one, “because I got this tattoo that says Julie already.”
Forget about human rights, I feel oppressed as a woman. What if I wanted to drop a cool $10,000 on a housecleaning Russian banker, eh?
So here is my serious call to arms! We need to rally up our forces and fight this blatant state of inequality!